Hello! This week I am so pleased to announce a special guest, Kate Laister-Smith, who is a Mental Health Awareness Rep for the SU at Warwick University (and also my flatmate!). She is very passionate about mental health and finding ways to be gentle and kind to yourself, which is so important at a time when you might put a lot of pressure on yourself to be super productive.
This interview contains content about anxiety, eating disorders and depression. At the bottom of the page I have linked in some resources that you can use if you are struggling – if you don’t feel you can manage your mental health alone, you don’t have to. There are always people who can help you or know what you’re going through!
Y – Hey Kate, thank you so much for talking to me today! Shall we start off with why mental health is so important, particularly for young people in modern day?
K – First off, I’d like to say that anyone can have poor experiences with mental health, at any age and any stage of life. Looking back at the experiences of my family members, we could confidently say that they might have had post-natal depression or anxiety, but there just wasn’t a word for it. Nowadays, it’s definitely more part of the discourse, and its more at the front of young people’ minds, and I think that can only be a good thing. There are definitions and people have done extensive research into it – I’m glad it’s being recognised more now, and people are taking it seriously.
If we’re talking specifically about young people, there are a lot of pressures on us that there weren’t necessarily on older people – particularly from school systems. Did you know SATS are taken in Year 2 now! There is so much pressure to have extracurriculars, be a well-rounded person and have a full life outside of school so that you can have good university applications. This is even worse if you have specific parents or teachers adding to this.
Y – It’s interesting that you talk about the education system – I know from first hand that this can take a toll on your mental health if you let it get to your head and take over your life. I absolutely agree that in the past, education would be less of a pressure because you could get one GCSE and still make a career out of it! However, arguably the older generation had their fair share of struggles too, with wars, recession, unemployment or poverty, but they ‘managed’. What do you make of this?
K – Well – it’s true, they ‘managed’, but so many people would have undoubtedly been struggling with mental health but were thrown into asylums or called ‘the crazy guy on the street’ and didn’t get the help they needed. Some people in generations above us brush mental health under the rug because ‘they got through it’ – but this doesn’t mean that everyone their age did. I’m sure there were countless numbers of people who struggled with their emotions but weren’t treated with the kindness, support or respect they needed.
Another massive point to make is technology. We’re only 18 and 19 and although we grew up with some technology like the radio, basic smart phones, Nintendo’s and TV’s, it’s nothing in comparison to the amount of media and screens that younger people of today are surrounded with. Plus, with social media, you’re constantly seeing people who live ‘perfect lives’ and you make comparisons with what you see online. These can so, so easily create eating disorders or deteriorate any feelings of self-worth and it can be so damaging!
Y – For me, I don’t think I consciously make comparisons between me, and for example, a celebrity, but I reckon everyone subconsciously feels it. I hate the word, but ‘influencers’ (what are they even influencing?) create this false narrative that really makes you think that your life is inadequate because it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. What is your advice for people that also might feel this way?
K – I would advise that you completely remove yourself from the situation, honestly. Social media has so many benefits, but I have unfollowed people, even ones that I know, just because their perfection would make me feel bad about myself. There are plenty of accounts that promote good values and feelings of self- worth (linked below) that change up what social media can bring to your life.
Y – How would you say your mental health changed from school to uni?
K – I’m in a much better place now. My mental health issues started at 14, and I have had experiences that are horrible to look at. I’d always been an anxious, odd child! Luckily, I had amazing friends, family and doctors around me, so I got to a place where I wanted to make myself better.
Y- So do you think age affected your mental health?
K- I wouldn’t say so – plenty of people develop mental health issues when they’re in sixth form (or just in any stage of life). I suppose I had learnt a lot of techniques of how to deal with it, which maybe I didn’t have when I was younger. I also had a year off between school and university which really, really helped as I could destress and prepare for uni. But for a lot of people, uni is a time when these things can start to develop.
I really have sympathy for parents whose children struggle with their mental health. Even parents who are really understanding have an element of questioning whether it’s ‘hormonal’ or ‘it’s just puberty’. It’s hard when you’re raising a kid and knowing if it’s emotions or if there’s a real problem on top of that.
Y – Do you think your mental health worsened during lockdown and COVID?
K- It has been very up and down, which I think most people have found.
During the first bout of only staying inside, I was doing surprisingly well, I was very proud of myself. I came up with a routine every day – I didn’t have any school or uni work as I was on furlough from my job, so I thought, ‘then I am going to look after myself’.
I got up, did yoga every morning, play animal crossing for a few hours, have a nice lunch, always go for a walk with my dad in the afternoon, I’d read a lot, watch tv with my mum in the evenings… I got in a routine that was really good for me. I think if I had been in bed watching tv all day, I would have felt a lot worse. Once it went on for a long time, it got sadder and there was a lingering feeling of melancholy like, ‘when is this going to end’. Now we have the news of a potential vaccine, I’ve perked up a bit more.
I’d say overall, it’s gotten better. I’ve had time for self-compassion and self-care.
Y – you mentioned having a structure and taking time to look after yourself, have you found ways to change and better your mental health?
K – I think the first thing to say is, it’s really hard when you’re in a dark place to hear ‘exercise is really good for you’. Everything I’m about to say is a lot easier said than done if you don’t feel the motivation to get better from within.
Getting out the house every day to get the sun on your face or feel the fresh air is something I’ve definitely found helps, even if it is the most cliché piece of advice ever. Going for a run will not solve your mental health problems, but if you find something you genuinely enjoy, it does help because of the chemicals – it’s literally science. I hated PE at school, but I’ve found things that I truly enjoy now.
In a moment of strong anxiety, one of the best techniques that I have found is the ‘54321’ technique. Name in your head 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste, or a variation on that. It’s really grounding especially if you ever experience a panic or anxiety attack.
Y – That’s so interesting! For me, I didn’t realise that painting would be so impactful. When I was younger, I was so creative and artistic, and when I did schoolwork for 4 years solidly, I felt like I had lost that part of me, which was a shame. Since painting in lockdown, my creativity has been reawakened in all aspects of my life. I have ideas for decorating our uni flat, I like going to new places, I always want to go out and experience new things and say yes to opportunities. It was so therapeutic, and all that time that I was spending by myself and pouring my purpose into something, was clearly so good for me.
Have you found any surprising new hobbies or sources of happiness?
K – Yes – singing! My dad plays guitar and we sing for my neighbour sometimes, which makes them so happy. Having a feeling of community at home is nice – a chat with a stranger can be a real boost and provide you with a different perspective once in a while.
Y – Do you have any advice for young people who may experience similar feelings in general whilst in education?
K – If you’re at school or uni and starting to struggle, it can be really hard, but the most important thing is to not keep it to yourself; find one person you can tell. I’m really lucky, I’ve been open with my friends about it, I’ve been open with my family about it. Reach out if you know people who have had similar experiences, they might have people they can link you up with. Again, it is so cliché, but it means that it stops being a ‘you’ issue, because you’re sharing the burden.
I know a lot of people who complain that their wellbeing team aren’t great, but you won’t know unless you try. And they have a duty of care to you – so, if it’s not that helpful, you’re in your right to say what they’re providing isn’t enough, I need support and you should be giving it to me.
Give them a chance first and see if they can help you.
Y – I completely agree. I have a vivid memory in year 12 of when my confidence and mental health deteriorated. I was studying French and that year was the first time that I didn’t feel wholly happy. I remember desperately trying to remind myself of short quotes to make me feel better, or doing different breathing exercises, meditation – but sometimes, you just need to let your feelings wash over you and just talk to someone about it. I have vivid memories of my family coming together and just saying that we’ll get through it together.
K – Absolutely. You don’t need to tell people the ins and outs of it, but try to find at least one person you can just go to and say ‘just so you know, I’m struggling’ and they’ll know to be a bit more gentle on you. Even if they’re not the most sympathetic or able to understand, it’s less consuming in your brain if you’ve got it out of you.
Y – What for you personally, is the ‘dream mental health’?
K – That’s such a tough question! For years, when I was 15, 16 I said – ‘I just want to be happy’.
Y – and it’s like, ‘once I get to this point or have reached this goal, I will be happy’.
K – Yep – it’s just not realistic. Mental health is an ongoing thing and it can always be improved. I reckon you’re doing okay when you’re stable enough to deal with the ups and downs of life, and they don’t become debilitating or affect your ability to live. Having stability to take whatever life comes at you would be a great milestone – mental health knocks your confidence and ability to overcome things!
Y – Do you have any parting advice?
K – This is something my Dad says to me, and it has got me through a lot: ‘every day must come to an end’.
Even if I’m having the worst day ever and I feel so, so terrible, I remind myself that in the evening, I will tuck myself in bed and that day will be over. Even the worst day of your life is only 24 hours.
Y – Another strange but uplifting concept to think about is that you have survived 100% of your roughest days!
K – Yeah, I really like that!
Y – Thank you so much for opening up to me about this. Mental health is a personal thing to many people and it’s always going to be an ongoing battle. I really hope that people can take some things away from this and internalise them – if not, that’s okay, but know that when you’re ready to work on things you struggle with, you don’t have to be alone in it.
Resources:
Books:
‘Reasons to stay alive’ by Matt Haig
‘How to be happy’ by Eva Woods
‘Mindfulness for dummies’ by Shamash Alidina
Organisations:
https://www.mind.org.uk/ (0300 123 3393)
https://www.samaritans.org/ (116 123)
https://www.childline.org.uk/ (0800 1111)
Social Media Accounts (Instagram):
(Accounts to follow to replace some ‘perfect’ models or people who promote unhealthily ‘perfect’ lives)
@calm, @werenotreallystrangers, @pickmeupinc, @selfloveblossom, @mentalhealth.q, @healthismentalandphysical (@jessiepaege)
Hi Yzanne – thanks very much for sharing your interview with Kate and for you both for being so open and honest around this really important topic.
Reasons to stay alive is a great book recommendation and I also liked the follow up, Notes on a Nervous Planet…I find Matt Haig is one of those people it’s still worth following on social media!
Hi Caroline!
Thank you so much for your support, we appreciate it! I’ll put that on my reading list 🙂
Yzanne